You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
