well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
