did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
