he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
