she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
