Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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