Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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