I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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