pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The air taste purple.
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