I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
