i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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