I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
