my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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