I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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