We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
