BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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