I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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