yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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