ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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