Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
