He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
