just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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