WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
