Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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