i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She bit a glass in half.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
