I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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