His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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