the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
