just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
