i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
