You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
