She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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