the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize