I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
