I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i love accidental penises.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
