nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
