Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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