Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
