Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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