You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
