im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
