I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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