I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
