And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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