Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
