we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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