yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
false alarm. still invincible.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
