I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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