If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
