you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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