im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
