I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
