I just threw up on my dentist
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
