I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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