your room smells of hookers.
And success
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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