if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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