Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
