If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
