Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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