Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
