Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
