when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i dont even know how to be here
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
