she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize