Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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