Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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