I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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