broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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