my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
