if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
