We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
