dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
