Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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