We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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