he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
