Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
