I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
