it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
