finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
