he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
