Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
