so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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