if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We left the knife in your bed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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