Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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