He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
