I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
