i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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