We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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