I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
