maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
