that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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